Affair or a Relationship?

Since the last post, when H had to cancel our afternoon date, we have met three times.

On the following Monday after my return from Paris, he invited me for lunch, and we went somewhere near my work. It wasn’t enough.

As he had to work a little bit more in the house, I proposed to visit him there at night.

Gosh.

I love to fuck that man.

There is no bed, no sofa, no mattress, just the floor, and we made love and cuddled and tasted each other.

I left that date daydreaming that maybe one day we would be able to wake up and to fall asleep together, I secretly wished he was mine.

Then, I remember that even tho we are ‘together’ for more than one year, the NRE still a thing and that maybe I wouldn’t feel the same way if we were full time together, at the end, love is not all we need, and the price we would pay would be very high.

The following days he spent busy in court rooms and traveling around the country for hearings, we did keep in touch, and we never spent one full day without hearing from each other, but our communication decreased, and I for some reason didn’t feel connected to H, I am not the demanding type but words of reassurance is my love language, so texts for me is what keeps me connected to someone I don’t see very often.

Things started to get better at the weekend, and we met for our afternoon date on Monday.

Now, let me tell you, I had a bunch of amazing sex and partners in my life, but sex with H feeds my soul, really.

We make love using all our senses.

We are never in rush, we are so generous to each other that when we are done, we are spent and satisfied.

H is physically ordinary.

He is not very tall, and he is bald, he has blue eyes and wears glasses, his dick is good in all levels of good, size, taste and smell, he is fit and fucks me non stop for hours.

I did teach him how to make me cum, and now, he knows very well.

He knows how to kiss me, to touch me, to excite me, and to satisfy me.

I am in love with that man.

And I shouldn’t.

I am all up for Ethical non-monogamy, but deep down, I know H is the cheater type, not the ethical nonmonogamy one.

I doubt if he would have the courage to tell me he is seeing someone else because he would be afraid of losing me, but I don’t think it would stop him to do it.

H loves me, I have no doubt, but I know him, and he knows me, so we know we both are capable of cheating.

I am writing this because I do have to remind myself often what we are.

There is no point in me getting jealous or possessive on this kind of thing, right?

When we were in bed last Monday, we were talking about what we have, and we both agree that it is not an affair anymore.

We are in a relationship.

Easy, flexible, loving, and day to day relationship.

A relationship where we don’t discuss the future and our plans are mainly based on choosing a date for our next date.

And I am writing this, so I don’t forget it.

The following day after our date, something he told me in bed bothered me, and I ended up overthinking, and it made me feel jealous, Instead ignore my feeling, I took a step back to work it out myself, to understand why I was feeling this way, I didn’t say anything to him but was very monosyllabic on our whats app messages, he noticed and didn’t question it, he kept it flowing and gave me space.

H knows how to handle me.

We both experienced life without each other, and the reality is, I am happier with him on it- so is he.

He always reassures me how amazing I am.

How beautiful, sexy, empowered, strong, and naughty I am and that he wouldn’t be able to find it in anyone else, and he is right; he would never meet someone who loves him more than I do.

Right now.

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